So before the year of all of the deaths and sick babies and family drama and drug addicted sisters and horrible luck…I was running about 20-25 miles a week. I wanted to run a marathon and was on my way.
And then I just got the blues. Life came in all at once and kept punching me in the face. I stopped running.
That was 3 years ago. I joined a gym a year later. It was a small gym and I liked it. I stayed there for over a year and then ended my membership because it was just so inconvenient to get there. I joined another gym last year and even hired a trainer, resulting in my injuring my hip and back.
That was January and I didn’t work out for months. My body hurt. The chiropractor helped. Yoga helped too. But I missed running.
When I was running years ago, I was so happy. It was like free therapy. I just put my music on really loud and just go. I missed the peace. I missed how powerful my body was becoming. I missed the stamina it gave me. I slept so well. I just felt great.
This past Sunday, I started running again. I’m doing the couch to 5K program again, I did it many many years ago. I did the 5 minute warm-up and thought…I got this.
And then my thought pattern went like this:
First 1 minute run…hells yeah.
The 90 second walk after…phew that was great.
Next 1 minute run…shit, it’s uphill.
90 second walk after…it’s still uphill.
1 minute run…my ass is starting to hurt.
90 second walk after…now my calves are burning because it’s still uphill.
1 minute run…shit.
90 second walk…I can do this.
1 minute run…when does this fucking hill even out.
90 second walk…an old man just yelled “Go get’em” at me. Or I think he was yelling to me.
1 minute run…a teenager just yelled out the window at me. I could get pissed, except I was just as big an asshole when I was a teen.
90 second walk…another damn hill.
1 minute run…I just farted, I hope nobody heard it.
90 second walk…it’s really hot out here, why is it so hot in October.
1 minute run…the last run, I can do this…how can I be going uphill again.
5 minute cool down…fucking hills.
Tonight’s run went so much better. My body felt good and I didn’t struggle at all. I can’t wait until I get used to the activity and can fly through my run. Tonight felt like I was on my way to that. I know there will be bad days, but today gave me hope. I just have to keep going.
A few weeks ago, I was reading in bed minding my own damn business when the phone started ringing. I didn’t recognize the number, but definitely recognized the name.
Or, for the short of it…met him 6 years ago, fell hard, he’s emotionally unavailable, we dated on and off for years, I was in love with him, he was the best sex of my life, because of his job he would disappear for months at a time, and I finally let him go a few years ago. Unfortunately, he likes to check in on me. It’s like he has radar on the exact moment I’m thinking about someone else and BAM…the phone rings.
My curiosity gets the best of me sometimes, so I answered the phone. This is our conversation as I remember it (which is pretty spot on because I’ve been replaying over and over to torture myself).
The Pilot in his ridiculously sexy Southern drawl: “Hey Debbie.”
Me: “Um, hi Neil. This is weird.”
The Pilot: “I was thinking of you and thought I’d say hi.”
The Pilot: “Can’t I say hi?”
Me: “No. I don’t want you to call me.”
The Pilot: “Well, I moved…to Colorado.”
He knows that I want to move to Colorado. We’ve talked about how much I want to move there. I’ve even told him I’m not above borrowing from my 104K to move there. How could he move there?
Me: “Great, so now when I move there you’ll be in the same state as me….again.”
The Pilot: “I got stationed out here. It’s good. My dad died recently and it’s nice to be somewhere new.”
Me: “I’m sorry about your dad. When did he pass?”
The Pilot: “July 6.”
Me: “That’s my mom’s birthday. Weird.”
The Pilot: “I’m living with a woman. We’ve been together for a few months and we’re really happy.”
I don’t know why this cut through my heart like a razor, but I wanted to throw up. All I could think about was that I wasn’t enough for him and she is.
Me: “Why are you telling me this?”
The Pilot: “I don’t know. I was just thinking of you and wanted to tell you that I’m happy.”
I seriously hate him right now.
Me: “Well…it’s good that you’re happy. I’m not sure why you needed to tell me this, but…okay.”
The Pilot: “I should hang up. I probably shouldn’t have called you, I don’t know why I did.”
Me: “Neither do I. Goodbye Neil. I hope that when I move to Colorado I never run into you.”
The Pilot: “I’m sorry you feel that way, but I guess I understand. Bye Debbie.”
I know why he called. Because we were electric together. Not good electric, though. It was like the current between us was so strong that if we kept going we would have burned each other out. And it almost got to that point.
Still, that phone call messed me up. I can’t be cool about him. He affects me deeply. During that short call, I was torn between wanting to beat the shit out of him and falling on my knees in worship just hearing his voice.
I hope I never hear from him again.
The song is great, the video is great, and now it’s now out of my head…which is great!
This week has not been a good food week for me. I haven’t eaten as well as I usually eat. By well, I mean healthy. I’ve eaten out, salty and greasy foods that are making me feel like shit. And speaking of shit, well you know what eating lots of beige, salty, greasy food does to your poop schedule.
And nobody messes with my pooping.
I’ve been getting headaches all week as well. I can’t tell if it’s because of allergies or because of my contacts. I have decided to wear glasses for the next couple of days to see how that goes. I sincerely think that I wore my contacts for too long. I can’t remember when I opened this packet of contacts. I hate when I do that. I’ve also had a twitch in my left eye for a couple of days that disappears once I remove my contacts. A call to the eye doctor probably isn’t a bad idea either. Better safe than sorry.
I did an hour of yoga today. The class was about pressure and it was just what I needed. I’ also ate better today…lots of fruit, veggies, unsalted nuts, grains, and water. I had one of my favorite salads tonight. Isn’t it pretty?
It’s just spring mix, chopped walnuts, red grapes, dried cranberries, pumpkin seeds, feta, and red onions. I just use red wine vinegar as dressing because vinegar is crazy good for you and I don’t like a lot of dressings. It went perfect with this…
And after dinner, I did treat myself to one of these…
…with milk of course.
Now, I’m off to a relaxing bath and then sleep.
I’ve been obsessed with Florence + the Machine for about 2 years now. There isn’t a song that I don’t love. I think her voice is magic. I’ve seen her live and she’s brilliant. This is her second single off of her upcoming album, and I’m in love with it just as I was with the first single and all of her other songs. Enjoy!
I love nail polish and I really love Avon nail polish. I know that people think O.P.I. is the best, but I really don’t think so. Avon’s Nailwear Pro is awesome. And now there’s a product to make it even more awesome. It’s a crackle top coat called Mosaic Effects.
It totally works. Check out how cool my nails look. I love the orange and black for Halloween. And please forgive the dry cuticles…I know they’re gross.
Chili, to me, is as American as the burger and apple pie. It’s about the Western migration, the Gold Rush, cowboys, and the heat of the Southwest. I know that I’m a dork, but that’s how I feel.
Autumn is chili season. I must make it 3-5 times, which is a lot for me because I live alone and you can’t make just a little bit of chili. I was so excited that the weather permitted me to make this today. It was just what I needed to get into the spirit of the season.
Here is the recipe.
I make my chili in a crock pot. Here’s a close-up of this yumminess.
1 cup of uncooked black beans
1 cup of uncooked small red beans
2 cups of bean liquid
1 28 oz. can of crushed tomatoes
1 large white onion, diced
1 large bell pepper, diced
2 jalapeno peppers, diced
8 cloves of garlic, minced
1 lb. of ground turkey
1/2 cup of chopped cilantro
1 tsp of dried Italian seasonings
2 packets of Sazon
2 tbsp of chili powder
2 tbsp of cumin powder
1 tbsp of unsweetened cocoa powder
1 tsp of cayenne pepper powder
2 cups of diced butternut squash
4 bay leaves
Salt and pepper to taste
The night before, put uncooked beans in a pot with 2 bay leaves. Fill the pot with very hot water. Make sure you use enough water because the beans will absorb the water and expand.
The morning of, turn crock pot on high and dump in the crushed tomatoes and 2 bay leaves. While that is heating up, brown ground turkey in a pan with some olive oil. Once the turkey is cooked, add it to the tomatoes in the crock pot. In the same pan, saute onions, peppers, and garlic. While the vegetables are cooking, drain the beans reserving 2 cups of the bean water. Place beans and reserved water in the crock pot. Once the vegetables are soft, add in chopped cilantro and spices including the cocoa powder and cook for 2 minutes. Add the cooked vegetables and butternut squash to the crock pot. Cook for 4-5 hours, stirring occasionally.
I also make some corn bread muffins to go with it. I just use the Jiffy muffin mixture. It’s cheap and super easy.
Serve with sour cream, cheese, and whatever else you like with it. It makes a lot and I usually end up freezing half. Oh, and wine is always good with it.
Here’s a close-up of this beautiful dinner. YUM!
Life is good. The weather is appropriately chilly for October and, appropriately, I have chili cooking on the stove and cornbread cooling on the counter. Recipes to follow later this week.
Since this is the inaugural post on this blog, I want to welcome you all here. To the new readers, welcome and I hope you find this space to be interesting. To my beloved readers from my previous blogs, thank you for following me here and I hope you continue to do so.
I’m doing something different on this blog. It’s not anonymous. This is a huge step for me because of drama in the past, but I find it exhausting to keep my anonymity. That being said, however; any post that I find to be damning will be password protected. Click on the Password tap to request the password.
Do you like the background doodles? I drew them. I’m not that artistically gifted, so I’m crazy excited about how good it turned out. I wanted color and that’s what I got. And purple is my favorite color, so I’m loving the sidebar color.
What can you expect here? Stories about my life, articles about health and health tips, recipes, photography, book/TV/movie reviews, contributors, humor, banality,podcasts, and more. The first podcast will be posted later today.