New Year’s Eve blues
For as long as I can remember I disliked New Year’s Eve. The night always brings a sadness and longing that I can’t really describe. I have no reason to be sad and I have no idea what I’m longing for, it’s just there. Maybe I have a memory from another life that revolves around New Year’s Eve. Who knows?
Even when I was little, I never enjoyed myself. I would cry when the ball dropped over Times Square. At one party when I was a teenager, I got such a heavy feeling in my chest that I thought I was going to pass out. I went on for the entire night.
I’ve tried going out. I’ve been to socials, wine tastings, friend’s parties, hanging out with family, and going to the bar. I have never ever ever got out of my NYE blues. I can’t say that I didn’t have fun at these celebrations, but the blues was always there.
The worst is trying to tell whatever boyfriend I had at the time that all I wanted to do was stay home and read a good book and forget about NYE. They never seem to understand and I end up going out counting the minutes until I can go home. Since I’ve been single for the past…well what feels like forever, I have spent NYE doing exactly what I want.
I’m not a depressed or pessimistic person. I am not prone to melancholy. It’s just this night. I hate it.
I do have one New Year’s tradition that I have been keeping up with since I’ve been on my own. Every year, I make homemade cinnamon rolls and allow myself to eat as many of them as I want. So tonight I will drink a glass of wine and read a book, and then get up nice and early to run 3 miles. That way I can feel a little less guilty for eating my face off.
Happy New Year! May you and yours have a year filled with love, happiness, and fun!