My Crazy #1

Fear of zombies is my crazy.  I have tried desperately to get rid of this crazy, but because I insist on feeding the crazy with television shows like The Walking Dead, it’s impossible to cure the crazy.

I love The Walking Dead.  What a gorgeous study of human nature and how it doesn’t change when faced with a life-threatening crisis such as the zombie apocalypse. Assholes will still be assholes, there are still leaders and followers, sex/food/water still drive humans to steal, lie, envy, covet, etc. There are moments of “no man is an island”/kumbaya/we’re stronger together…but really, it’s a fucking soap opera.

Yesterday, I watched 7 1/2 hours of zombie television.  I don’t know why I did that to myself.  It’s another argument that this show is that good.  They got a straight up, pee-herself-scared-of-zombies-sissy to watch a marathon of their show…and still want more.

The first 30 minutes of the show stressed me out.  They break down on the highway and a massive herd of zombies are walking down the road.   They hide under cars and dead bodies, and damn. It was a slowly built, tension filled, gross scene that I couldn’t take my eyes off of.

After the show, I had to read some rubbish romance novel to get the zombies out of my head.  My crazy was waiting behind the door to tackle me.  I could feel it there.  I read about a strong viral lord ripping the bodice off of some “no means yes”, voluptuous virgin who can’t stop staring at her lord’s manhood….until a zombie burst in and started eating them.

I decided to watch some comedy on TV.  That finally put me to sleep.  I turned off the television and  dreamt a fucked up dream where a creepy old man was asking me if the kids in the park were fornicating while his creepier wife in a house-dress was pointing a shotgun at me.  Yeah, real nice dream.

The alarm clock went off and I woke up thinking, loud noises attract them.  I instantly looked out the window to see if there were any zombies roaming the street.  I shit you not.  I did this.  I then told myself to ignore the crazy and that there were no zombies.  If another person were there, they would have had me committed.

I went into the kitchen, turned on the light, and thought…the light attracts them.  I called myself things way meaner than idiot.

I was all right the rest of the morning.  I forgot about the zombies while trying to figure out what to wear to work. It was good to get my mind off of how stupid I was being.  I got dressed without being nuts.  I was free of my crazy.

But I had to get to my car in the dark.  My crazy bitch-slapped me when I wasn’t looking and I ran to my car like I had a swarm of bees chasing me.  Seriously.  If my neighbors were looking out their windows, they would have either laughed or called the cops.  After I got the car started and doors locked, I started to laugh.  Really hysterical laughter. Who wouldn’t?  I’m a freaking dumbass who just ran down her stairs and to her car like a lunatic.

Needless to say, there were no zombies.  I’m ashamed to admit that I lost my mind for a few hours this morning.  My crazy was hungry and I fed that bitch with guts and brains.  I’m okay now, but really…I’m just stupid.

Will I continue to watch The Walking Dead?  Hell yes, just not at night.  Never again.  And not a marathon…never never never again will I feed my crazy like that.

But just in case…remember to destroy the brain.


Posted on October 17, 2011, in My Crazy, Zombies. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Don’t worry, you’re alone when your crazy got the better of you. I did this kind of thing to myself when I watched ’28 Days Later’ by myself … at night… with just my budgie for comfort…. how dumbassed, stupid and thick-headed could I be? By the time the dude was chased out of the church I was checking my window locks and deadlocking my doors; then arming myself with something really solid – just in case I had to fight the bastards off! (Yes, my crazy was being fed on that night too). I slept with my light on all night and jump at any sound – even when a possum and a cat had a fight outside my house (now, that was beginning to sound like zombies right there at 2 in the am!).

    Another thing that feeds my crazy is a good spooky episode of ‘Supernatural’… OMG! If it wasn’t for the Winchester brothers and the piping hot Impala, I’d be hiding behind the 3-seater every Monday night! And they’ve put on some right creepy episodes where I’ve laid there at night in the dark and made the decision that it was a baaaaaad idea to turn out that there light and switched it back on!

    The third thing that does in my head is Stephen King – his early work. I – for some insane reason – love reading his short stories. They are great, concise and brilliantly cast. Then, you can spot why they are so great… it’s because everyone in the bloody things die horrible, grisly deaths! I read one story he wrote in ‘Night Shift’ called ‘The Bogey Man’… I tell ya, since then, I haven’t been able to go to bed with any of my wardrobe doors in any way open… they can’t be the small bit open – not even a centimetre! – they must be completely closed. And I can’t have them all the way open either! That only makes it worse; and feeds my crazy even more!

    So there you have it… what feeds my crazy… and makes me read so much at night. 😛

  2. That show is filmed not far from me. Want to talk about zombies? I got an e-mail at work one day that they were filming outside and if I heard gun shots or saw zombies, it was fake. The gun shot thing I get, but the zombies?

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