This is your former Pilot speaking…
A few weeks ago, I was reading in bed minding my own damn business when the phone started ringing. I didn’t recognize the number, but definitely recognized the name.
Or, for the short of it…met him 6 years ago, fell hard, he’s emotionally unavailable, we dated on and off for years, I was in love with him, he was the best sex of my life, because of his job he would disappear for months at a time, and I finally let him go a few years ago. Unfortunately, he likes to check in on me. It’s like he has radar on the exact moment I’m thinking about someone else and BAM…the phone rings.
My curiosity gets the best of me sometimes, so I answered the phone. This is our conversation as I remember it (which is pretty spot on because I’ve been replaying over and over to torture myself).
The Pilot in his ridiculously sexy Southern drawl: “Hey Debbie.”
Me: “Um, hi Neil. This is weird.”
The Pilot: “I was thinking of you and thought I’d say hi.”
The Pilot: “Can’t I say hi?”
Me: “No. I don’t want you to call me.”
The Pilot: “Well, I moved…to Colorado.”
He knows that I want to move to Colorado. We’ve talked about how much I want to move there. I’ve even told him I’m not above borrowing from my 104K to move there. How could he move there?
Me: “Great, so now when I move there you’ll be in the same state as me….again.”
The Pilot: “I got stationed out here. It’s good. My dad died recently and it’s nice to be somewhere new.”
Me: “I’m sorry about your dad. When did he pass?”
The Pilot: “July 6.”
Me: “That’s my mom’s birthday. Weird.”
The Pilot: “I’m living with a woman. We’ve been together for a few months and we’re really happy.”
I don’t know why this cut through my heart like a razor, but I wanted to throw up. All I could think about was that I wasn’t enough for him and she is.
Me: “Why are you telling me this?”
The Pilot: “I don’t know. I was just thinking of you and wanted to tell you that I’m happy.”
I seriously hate him right now.
Me: “Well…it’s good that you’re happy. I’m not sure why you needed to tell me this, but…okay.”
The Pilot: “I should hang up. I probably shouldn’t have called you, I don’t know why I did.”
Me: “Neither do I. Goodbye Neil. I hope that when I move to Colorado I never run into you.”
The Pilot: “I’m sorry you feel that way, but I guess I understand. Bye Debbie.”
I know why he called. Because we were electric together. Not good electric, though. It was like the current between us was so strong that if we kept going we would have burned each other out. And it almost got to that point.
Still, that phone call messed me up. I can’t be cool about him. He affects me deeply. During that short call, I was torn between wanting to beat the shit out of him and falling on my knees in worship just hearing his voice.
I hope I never hear from him again.